what i wanted to say

my mouth felt glued today , i wanted to say hello but the words never exscaped me , i wanted to ask did you get my note , did it mean anything , did you even care , i wanted to ask you do you think i am foolish like a child to even approching you with that awkward smile and the lack of what i can offer to the table , then  i thought i am me and that is never going to change i might lose weight , change my hair , get my degree , but all that to me is never going to change the core of me , i am crazy when i want , i laugh when it all seems funny , i never give what i find precious away , when i look at you then you know there is something special about you , i just wanted to talk to you and and find out how everything is going and i know " full of joy " awsome ,  see when i look back at what i just posted i feel so stupid i feel like a teenager  i should not care what he thinks it should not matter , but why does it aaaaagggh  you see only the special ones drive you this crazy  , its their job  aaaaggh .

i am just frustrated now , thats all , mother day is coming up bad time for me , may 31 is coming up bad time for me , then before you know it my birthday semi bad time all of this reminds me of my mom so i get in a funky mood , i miss her , and that is hard  there are so many songs that remind me of her for a while i had to stop listening to skelton #8 { bleachers } because there is something about the sound of it that makes me sad , i cannot put on losing my realigion not yet , , emotion , you think you dont need them , well i went on to long and i did not blog a poem sorry went to school early  did not have a chance to look thru my box of words  hopefully tommorow ,

i will leave with off fhe cuff musing  from the carrie

when we least expect it , something magical happens
sometimes they dont even know what powers they have
pie , its what good for breakfast
i can only like someone with a sweet tooth
im am the dreamer of the dream

clive barkers

and i threw pennies in a fountain for you ,always --------------cak