Thinking OF HIM

What  am i suppose to say , how am i suppose to feel , hurt , such pain but not all for me for him also in a strange way i believe he has to pay in life and that to reach a different type of happiness he was not allowed . now that is a type of rational  on my part as to say i have no part in his decision , but in truth i did not he blocked me from his life so fast i had no say and of  course what he would  be is that is just the way it is . all i wanted to know was his intention , i think i was entitled to this . he never gave me a chance to tell him I love him still do cannot turn off an emotion , unless he can . in which i do not know what to say to that at all . I miss him , our first kiss still was electric . he should talk to me  i had a dream about him oh what a dream ... thats all  CAK