where i am at -------------------------

The persistent of memory  Salvador Dali

i am in the spiral of real and non reality , where i look at myself in the mirror and there is something behind my eyes , hiding , waiting to come out , i am not sure what will  emerge something dangerous , and yet she is lethal with her words and gentle with touch . in ways the true me not afraid of what others think of her , crazy , " special " words because other get scared because of my random smile . my weirdness is an acquired taste .   i will create a winter to unmask you forever you will never know what i did to you  i found my rhythm , i found my weapon of choice ------ words   my words  unlimited supply of run on sentence , and improper verb usage my rules and i never play fair  i cheat and tease until i win and i always do --- you may not  like the set up you may not like the rules , but i do not care  , i will unleash unto you  the wrath and when all is said and done you are better for the massacre i put you through in my insidious nature .


see what come out when i listen to music  


right off the cuff while i was studying   the true mark of a multitask er   cak 

Toy Matinee - Turn it on Salvador

nameless travler

NAMELESS TRAVLER


I have been here so long

My name has been misplaced and forgotten

In the timeless style of discarding the past for a semi- better future

If it exists in the same micro cosmos, in which it does not, at least that is my understanding

Of co-existing in this world

Giving up before you even contemplated the game

Watching them interact, watching them phase in and out of life, nothing eyes

Of the future –steel heart made of glass

I ask the saints my name they looked at me with anger and distain

That bothered me, long after the saints left and collected the dues of religious favor

“I bowered a soul “is what the blind man said to me, I asked, the man whose eyes left before he could define what color the world is why?

He stared at me with such a look of bemusement and simply replied “because someone left it behind

I wondered for a brief moment if it was mine since in the same fashion I left my name someplace

As if he picked that thought out of my head, “this is not your soul; it belongs to a man who gave up everything to feel nothing

The man left so as not to begin again

My feet take me to a church – of sorts

Dressed up like a palace gold and silver adornments statues of religious icons

As the desuetude wait outside, with still that nothing

A man dressed in a suit holds a black book

Pray onto his name, bring him into your heart let him know your suffering, you’re hungry

You have no homes to go back to

Reach up touch the gold feet of your savior; let him feed your soul

They are weakened, hands pray until blood encases their palms and eyes from crying knees bruised from kneeling

As the used car sales man told them to do

He looks at me, I am an intruder here

He calls out brother will you take him into you, will you know his light

Say it unto him; I say nothing. I feel whatever I say would not be right only my silence holds more than words

I left the church of not my problems trying to find my name, for a brief moment I feel it has been taken, but that feeling has passed

Again I walk until I get to where I am going



Carrie Ann kawa 3/2006

its called walking man  i found it on yahoo in a way it fits

unfair brain activity

tattered    cak

i am trying to forget wonder wall , and get over this school girl crush like a normal women does which is fine and dandy , and i have been doing my flirting , the more i have no thoughts about him and i start to realize i am good . the dreams come back in full techno color , random dreams of him  why ?  i have convinced myself that he thought i was an ugly troll that lived under a bridge , he thought of me  never and if he did i made him sick to his stomach , i needed to think that , to get over the crush  but now in my dreams he comes through  -why ? it does not seem to be fair , and why him i have guys hit on me all the time , decent guys  , since he does not like me why get all messed up over him  , now yes he did inspire me in which the artist in me is very grateful but he is incapable of ever be attracted to me , i do not fit in his world , told to me by others 


underworld thank you for my venting it makes me feel better     until------   later  cak 

what a true kiss is

hello my underground , i have been distant  giving you poems and not any news , well i start school again on 8/25/2010  i had a blissful two months off which was filled by closing hours at work  . i have been pondering that mystery called love , that seems to ex scape me every chance it gets , i can understand if i was a troll but i am not but i seem to like the wrong guys , emotional unavailable,  well lets get on point .

i crave a true kiss one that will last forever " if that is even out there " when  he looks into my eyes and knows that he is home  , when he hugs me  that he always wanted me in his arms  , the kind of kiss you can feel in your feet , when he takes his thumb and traces my lips , and kisses like i am the one he has been waiting for but to afraid to realize i was there , and before you think i have lost my mind . i believe we are allowed to have that  that kiss , the kiss that makes the world stop and its just right no pressure to the lead up just that wonderful look into each other eyes and then  it all becomes a blurr we fade into each other until -----------

cak 8/06/2010