the end ...... the beginning

its almost over  , and then it begins again  , like everything in life the end is never the end it just changes shape
like universal matter ,  what we are , is what we are until we change ,  i am a star exploding , then i will dwarf change into a black hole and consume light .

sorry got deep there  when my thoughts get away from me it all is a blurr

i will have two months to relax my mind until i throw myself into  my third year  how time flys  when your busy , when you pine for someone , when you laugh , and when you cry , ahhh emotional  torment what would we be without it

some musing for my underground
sleep until the dream you have is a reality

time stops for no one , but you can stop the clock now and then

love at first site  kills you in the end , because the illusion is a knife and the blade is Sharp and  wanting blood

to know something  is wonderful, to act upon it is brave , to keep it to yourself  is smart

we are in the looking glass , i chased the white hair , i drank the tea , i played with a flamingo and i danced upon the back of a turtle and watch the world fade from site
goodnight  underworld   until ...............

truth

TRUTH


The heat from the desert was devastating

Wavy lines of constant disregard

Shatter your life

I saw you, simply and true

A desperado, losing site of oneself

You having no right, to not understand how it all works

The selfishness you display is cowardly

I have walked a path that you have only seen in glimpse at dusk, unaware of your shadow

Disconnected from real, living not for the moment, but what is yet to come

The destiny of others is not your concern and yet you interfere in the process

You think you know yourself, but in truth your insecurity permeate the air

You want to believe your own dogma, but it comes off weak

The loneliness of sleeping alone becomes unbearable

You want to suffer for the sake of suffering and the bitterness shows deeply

Do you know what true suffering is, when your heart is so broken nothing can fix it and only a pain so deep is left , and that you will  know forever

You say things that I want to hear you look at me from afar you keep me at arms link and forget that I exist

In truth ---- you know nothing of what you did

Child, it is your nature and will always be

Carrie Ann kawa 6/26/2010  

happy birthday

well another year  ,  and the older i get the more , stupid i become , does that make any sense at all. i still have the crush , why, he is gone and still there is a part of my mind that tells me something . i do not get it for my style that is abstract to say the least , i am a very practical person .with him i don't know ? OK good vent  to all the people that wished me a happy birthday thank you  . to my mom this was always more her day then mine i was special to her i do not say this in vanity , i say this because it is plan and simple truth . she would go over every detail of my birth and smile with such a smile that know one would every understand . so i will be happy for her and joyful with everyone else 

i just turned three  cak

to this she held me in her arms and said i always wanted a baby girl  Carrie Ann after the song  my little lamb and she would rub my back at night and tell me to go to sleep to this day i feel her hand on my back , in the back round Elton john or Motown would play , and my mom would call me cake Ann , she always said i would wake up and not cry and when she came in to check me i would be up and smiling and she never knew what i was smiling about ,


good night my underworld  until

the poet blurred

images of me fade in the eyes of others and i am no where

who am i , what will i become
child questions out of a mouth of an adult


the poet blurred 

carrie ann kawa    6/17/2010

how do you like me now

well  i have a new look  , hope you like it.   my life to say the least has been very strange and i know i say that a lot but these last two weeks have been weird really weird  guys have been hitting on me , left and right , my friend has been depressed not sis  she has her wings , and to top it all off  i just , i was asking a question to someone about someone and the song creep comes on the radio which no more then a few min ago i was telling someone else about that song weird to me yes  so i am not going to go any further my birthday is coming up i will try to enjoy it  6/23/  and the only musing i have is from a very awesome artist         BILL S   i first saw this pic in rolling stone back in the early 90,s and i still have it in my scrap book and i always said the man who likes this and gets it will be the one for me so i am still sticking with that

cak   out   later underworld

THE CITY OF NONSENCE

THE CITY OF NONSENSE


THE SKY WAS PERFECT FOR WHEN THE UNFORGIVEN CAME

BLUE WITH A TOUCH OF CLOUDS RAIN ON THE HORIZON

HE CAME INTO THE TOWN OF NONSENSE WITH SUCH A DILBERT SENSE OF PURPOSE

HE STOOD IN THE MIDDLE OF NONSENSE WITH HANDS ON HIPS , SCRUTINIZING THE TOWN

THE THREE SISTER CHOIR COULD NOT SING THEIR LEAD VOICE WAS TAKEN BY DEATH AND LEFT HER OFF NOTE

THE CLOWN THAT WAS CYNICAL , TURNED SELF LOATHING AND CRIED TEARS OF BLOOD, AND SMEARED HIS RED LIPS UNTIL HE LOOKED LIKE A WORN OUT WHORE AND THEN HE PROCLAIMED DEATH UPON HIMSELF

WE DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHAT WE DO NOT KNOW

THE TOWN WAS LAYED IN MEANING AND CONTENT ----A DEAD END

CITY OF NO HISTORICAL MEANING

MURALS OD SHOWGIRLS AND ANIMAL TAMERS

OLD CLOCKS AND CROSSES WITH NEON SIGNS SELLING JESUS AND ELVIS

MUSICIANS LAYED WASTED FOR THE TASTE OF THE MODERN WHICH HAS NO TASTE AT ALL EXCEPT THE TASTE OF CORPORATE GREED

SELLING MAGIC IN NONSENSE

ITS AN ILLUSION LOVE IS SOLD IN THE HOUSE OF CARDS THAT EVENTUAL FALL

EVERYTHING WE ARE , OR CHOOSE TO BE IS NEVER WRITTEN LIKE THE POETS SAID

CAK

ITS STILL UNDETERMINED WE ARE WHAT WE WANT WHEN WE NEED TO BE

UNFORGIVEN ---CAME TO SUCH A TOWN AND LAID HIS HAT DOWN AND THE REST IS WRITTEN IN THE PAGES OF LIFE

CARRIE ANN KAWA 6/12/2010

the gift

hello my dear friends of the underworld , how is the place where the soul lives forever in the mind of the true , going.
i have come to realize i walk among the strange and very happy to be in that world , i would not want it any other way
my friends bring me music it is truly wonderful to have this in my life , Damian everyday shares his Beatles with me anyone who knows me knows i love the Beatles , well i listen to my guitar gently weeps , and i let my mind wonder with all the best music you let thoughts form and you go with the flow with and let the current of sound take you someplace , well as you all know i have been trying to ( with no avail ) to get wonder wall far from my thoughts to let this crush die , and every time i hear that song i picture him with that beautiful guitar playing , finding those right notes sitting in the dark with ( blue boxer on ?) and its driving me crazy  not really just brain why truly , why are you doing this to me , and of course when i talk to myself which i do often i shrug my shoulders and give me no reply so that is what is going on kind of other then my thoughts of wonder wall  i have been most busy with school  7/03/2010  i will graduate with my associates in business the ceremony not until October , but again what can you do  its bitter sweet  i want my mom to be there  but as you all know she can not be , and it hurts very badly , my fantasy would have her scream that's my baby girl because she would scream that  but that is not going to happen .

but on a good note  i will start more poems next week  i just have not gotten to my box of words

so some Carrie musing
when you do not notice , some one does
art  in all its form is a type of magic that is out there right now .
when we speak words form and that is a transformation of thought
we are the wonder that cannot be denied
until next week  underworld    keep the door open , the window clear and enjoy the day as it turns into night

my moonlight dance

he would take me to unknown
kiss me no where
fall into an abyss
tread in the thoughts of his mind
know me with out the use of words
look into my eyes and know i am his forever
if he ask me to wait , i would wait
there is no reason , to this madness no understanding of what it all means
confusion , comes up from somewhere and i am lost in a sea of doubt
he makes me doubt myself, he makes me miss him , he is unaware of all this and yet i do not care this is out of my control , this is something i don't understand
i want to touch his hand , so he can feel the vibe i am sending out
for he is lost in his own land i am just a nothing thought of his kind

carrie ann kawa  6/03/2010

well dear readers i just wrote  that in less then 5 min and its all about what is on my mind
you know  it comes to the point i want to purge him out 
points  i think i saw too much into it
when some one says you look angelic it means nothing
if you stop and stare it means nothing
you know what who cares anymore , and it doesn't matter since no one knows what this means 

i will just be quiet  now for awhile  

readers of this blog  enjoy  my tasty brain matter i have enough of it to go around,
let my words take you on a journey and do not take my life from them use them as you see fit , i want you take my words to deep dark places where only the moon shines , and read them to someone special, and find your self in a moment that seems familiar and yet it is not , deep inside my well of thought and pull me toy with me , make me write , give me substance of meaning , i will give you back something -of wonder

cak  --- i always say when you look into my eyes there a storm coming .

goodnight     cak

its a new day

well  what has the CAK been up too not much , i have been thinking about my star crossed lovers  anaka ( the ice queen ) and timothy jacob ( our cowboy , vengence seeker , man of mystery, desert nomad ) and i wonder like any writer what happen when you two met  , if you dont talk to them then you will never no as a writer you talk to them even if you never write it down . soo i wonder anaka  was not sure about him and he was even less sure about her , i wonder why ? and to my querry she said he was to close to me to see him , i did not what this met , she simple put it another way we were to much a like to really see each other so we had to keep are distant untill that seperation hurt , if that makes any sense  which it did in a way  . well i will leave you with that bit of tasty grey matter  . until