where is my empty ?

i had my desert the perfection of the nothingness, stillness of no wind

when it was , it became someting my soul knows and yet i cannot keep what is not mine.

i have walked thru my childhood it leads footprints into the strangeness of me

the heat of the day beats on me i know the truth of god of the perception of god

the hazy lines of heat are befor me like a deeping mirage of something meaningful

i lay down in the desert of empty to watch the sunset on old to rise to new

i am an adult child wanting to grow up into something worthy of my truth

the sand from the desert is my hourglass

the city displays itself builds itself up glittering in the sunshine, lights up the nights,but i knew my city when she was naked and cold

the moon in the middle of january was something i can never explain, rain fell that night i walked home in it so i can cry

my city understood my tears the heat of the day was brutal i needed it to be for may blasted my soul and left me in the refuge of sorrow

carrie ann kawa  7/7/2008

inspired by michael alex kawa   brother

i think it is very hard for people to understand how it was to grow up in las vegas they see the show girl vegas all glitter and gold some see tragic whore vegas that stands on the street and sells her soul to ever one

then there realigon vegas you see sin and virtue are friends day and night kind if thing

for me i see the places i grew up and i have seen them torn down my house i grew sorta up in is a parking lot off of 10th street right before charlston my schools are still there , i live in the aera i grew up in and i have moved so many times i can not count , in 5th grade i went to 6 schools if that tells you anything , my point and i do have one is that my home is every so changing the poem above was me seeing thru my brothers eyes on the sickness and death of are mother {now do not let that influence what you get out of my words you did not know my mom so it should not matter } me and mike walked back and forth to the hospital we had the money to take the bus ,but we chose not to we walk in our home we needed it when she died we walked , now for about a month or maybe a little longer i find out my dad has passed dose it change my anger towards him ---------nope { but it makes me reflect on my childhood and the things i find magic in i am proud to say i still find magic in and if that makes me sound stupid or inmature or what ever so be it there are too many cynical people out there they want to look at everthing in a way fine i too can be cynical but happiness is a chose so that is where i stand if you see me smiling its because no matter what life is dealing you and trust me not one day of my life has been easy i have to work at it {i just make it look easy } ther is always a little magic around in the empty.          later carrie