my mom

my first christmas  { i am really cute } at times i still put  bows in my hair its my thing  ~: }

i went home

for some this is hard to understand,  you see i have no house to visit when i get homesick , my pictures are far and few meaning i may have 20 pics of my whole life so far ---- , all i have is my memory which is to say excellent , so if you know me , and i did not remember something i am lying or i was listing just destarcted , now i will get to the heart of this tale the other night on hbo was the rock and roll hall of fame , well i watch the whole thing 4 beautiful hours of music real music no offence to this age of fame for sale and image on the line of america idol crap , but music pure in eccence of awsome , well i cryed because it made me think of my mom , my dad , me and mike you see i have a soundtrack for my memories in  1982 heart dont lie " came out i was 9 and it makes me think of that summer " hall and oats " was the time i grew up ever time i hear one of there songs i am back there i once told my mom i would not " marry " i was 8 a boy that did not know private eyes " or think out of touch was awsome , new order  was my touch stone , one of my most funniest moments with my dad i was over at his house and we were watching mtv " when they played music " and r e m came on" stand  ", and my dad said who the hell are they i said r e m and me and mike sang after about 30 secs he turns the sound down rushes to get a credence album and says mtv more enjoyable this way credence up hi and that crap real low , my mom was different she embrass what she knew in music and loved the new stuff my mom was an r e m fan , she loved music all type except country , and elvis i like elvis but to each there own well , she is the one that got me into  jazz, classical, and ever thing else she shaped my world with music so when i watching artha franklin , bruse springsteen i was thinking of her simon and garfankle came on i just cryed sound of silence well if you dont you have no heart when my mom was going thru what she went thru i kept sining to myself i am a rock i am an island so i would not break down and i kept thinking while i watch this when i was a kid none of my friend knew the music i was talking about when i said the smiths , michelle was into bon jovi , all my friends like hair metal me i was the odd one always and forever , when i was 10 i got into the art of noise  but my mom she let our interst grow ever week she would take us to oddesy records to hear whats going on, when i was 9 my mom traded doug  2 oranges and a pepsi for a harmonica she said carrie learn to play it i ask how and she said its in your blood just play , i should just pick one up see if i still have it or at least learn my mom was gifted in the piano which i mention before she did not persue her gift me i can sing when my voice is not all choppy { i have not practice my cords in such a long time and really dont plan on it } she was the last person i sang to and well until a better reason comes to mind i do not see the point now before you call me crazy i sing when i am doing something or a song comes on the radio and i have sang at work because words pop in my head no i mean sing like only god can here you i sang in the hospital for her losing my realigon " she loved that song when she did wake up, long story, she said all i remember was you singing carrie and your moon soooooooooo  i leave you music lovers with this   a picture of me at 6  when i look at her i always think you like elton john that  and the beatles i look at kids now with kid bop and think where is your fleetwood mac where is your duran duran , where is your commadors and fifth dimesion , what ever happen to all of that 


i went home and heard part of the soundtrack of my life they couldnt have it all and wished it could of gone all night  and wished my mom was there , and i heard fortnate son and said dad would have like john peformence he sang it with springsteen  and jeff beck on his guitar doing i heard the news today and i will tell you it was like bannana ceame pie after doing somethig else it was a yes moment   i will leave you with that one  tmi    

 i will get back to poetry in a bit promise            see you later   ----carrie 

just me

today there will be no poem , or way in which i write , i am feeling sick , and my brain keeps thinking about bananna creame pie, i dream about wonderwall , and know he thinks of me not at all , and i wonder to myself why ? is he loose in the head or just not right , and the only answers that come is his first love holds him and she holds him well , and my brain talks to me and says carrie why would he like you the way you like him , and to my replie i wish i could say for sure not but one time he said to me dont stop that odd and the strange , and maybe i like that he puts my ego in cheak , that i cant read him , and to all of this i will put him to the side until he gives me some sort of sign in which i fear may never come crushes suck , poem next week updates when ever i feel : }

wonderwall   i will be around in the front drop by say hi i will keep this girlish crush in cheak  but i will keep looking , not flirting for some strange reason i cant flirt with you not in my way aggggggga and this ofcorse is confession of someone with a very stuffy head and on benadrly ok


i am going home ----------

night comes to madworld

the people of this world world wear cheetah masks opposite of the cat they are slow in nature
they think of themself as predator even though they are prey
the moon hangs high above the city of steel and stone
electric buzzes through shocking the system as it flows
there is no weather , the plainness of no atmospheric pressure leaves the people absent of thought, and it suffocates them
these cheetah people that hunt for garbage and lottery tickets they cannot see in the darkness or transcend the situation at hand there is a meaning there behind lies of human substance
wind so cold face so blue, wings in maroon, naked, bluish skin with tints of red and purple hairless, eyes so gold......she is the night
the stars trail behind there mistress as she holds the moon
reflected light of her sister the sun
the cheetahs growl and went crazy for the lack of something strange and meaningful they wanted to tear her apart and give a piece to each one for the sacrament they pounce on her and left nothing except some feathers
she offended them , because the night holds magic and beauty
now light is what comes when the day ends and it shows more then they wanted to see

carrie ann kawa    8/2008

i am not sure what any of you get from this so let it saute in your mind just a little bit and if you have questions know i am always right there .

this is from clive barker in a way it fits i did not know of this beautiful piece of art until 3 days ago so i thought what fitting enjoy both :}

Intrigued

you walk in and walk out
i glimpse you from afar, you intrigued me
i did not know until i knew of nothing of what i did for you to perplex me as much as you have
faded are the days of my own self conscience shyness
i do not know how to approach you and i feel foolish for trying as my strangeness was too much to take
i stumble on words that are suppose to come effortless, i lose step with my own rhythem
you have a strange confidence about yourself, and yet it falls into modesty and melancholy of the day that takes you with it
you make it hard for me not to know more about you
you hit me with knowledge in small glimpse of yourself
your strange lulling voice
i so want to understand you and have you understand me
in this cynical world, i reach out to an abnormal oddity
i stumble onto the music of you and the rhythem of your beat
you have left me vexed, unsure and undone of myself
i do not understand myself when i am near you
time takes on a strange illusion of not being real
perplex by this strangness at moments i think you look my way and yet that does not feel real but this is your unconventional way

inspired another poem infiity its here on my blog.

carrie ann kawa  1/4/2009     inspired by he knows who he is just a revisit of when i made him feel odd and strange .

THOMAS WALKS AMONG US

He could not take redemption nor the sanctuary of forgivness
he wore guilt as casual as breathing never to break a smile, long face of sorrow bearing tattoos' of dogma faith
he wears her essence around his neck long past love faithful as the wind
alone he walks, sun beating on him as he beats on himself
he remembers her beauty, her face, and lips, hips to breast hands on flesh
tears touch his eyes he wipes them, he never cries for her----inside he howls at the new moon in the deep darknes of the night
he has left it all behind and walks until the pain goes he knows it will never go , prepare to walk until there is nothing left
waiting until he is dust and the wind will carry him back to her embrace into the love she gave where she kissed him blind her touch sent shivers to his very being
he tried to take his life olny to find the reflection of himself wanting him to suffer he took jagged glass and cut his eyes so as not to see nothing but her face
forever etched in his mind
he will walk forever in his desolation

this is work from clive barker : }

carrie ann kawa  9/2006