Understanding
Mother
I
found it snowing in my bedroom
A cold
and distant winter, magnified by such emotions
She came
in a dream: a long ago dream of memories in liquid color
Framed
by images of the night moon eclipse by a solar system and storybook galaxies
She
had a lullaby that played in the rhythm of her dreams
Dreams
she denied herself, dreams that left as soon as she opened her eyes.. In the
swirl of self hatred and Valium.
Understanding
her was as complicated as deciphering an ancient ruins of a lost civilization
with an obscured language of ancient riddles.
She
loved someone I could not comprehend as human
Followed
him to death door this time not to save him but to jump into the unknown abyss
with him
Was there
an unspoken love that I could not understand beneath the garbage of reality?
I was
in a room littered with torn papers of a thousand years of suffering and
suffering
Untold
tales of loss was the tattoo she wore
She had
crucifixes in her room as a child , with alcoholic rage outside her door and
talking ballerinas’ of an opium dream
My mother
was intelligent , beautiful, coy , witty and out of her mind , as to suggest there was
a way to go into her mind with lock doors and cages inside her mind’s eye
An artist
that refused her craft, her music
Gave away
in the hopes of normal, but lost herself
She was
always searching for something she had no clue she was looking for
Herself
Carrie
Ann Kawa
12/19/2012
