sleep to dream

sorry no poems this week i have been working on a  paper and i could not find a poem i am in the mood to blog i promise next tuesday a poem , but i have been to tired this week , also not alot of sleep you see wonder wall has been in every dream i have had his either trying to avoid me in one he will not talk to me i ask him why and he says to me i have no time for you in my life i ask no t even to talk as friends and he says to me i have too many friends and do not think of you as a friend i said why to this he replied because -----in another one he gives me this nice hug , i liked this one but then he leaves ,i said to myself i have to let my crush on him go but my sub conscience  will not let go why if there is nothing is there should not my grey matter help me but no i will torture myself  hoping he will notice me instead of me always saying hi first he will say hi carrie how is it going , or just say something strange and odd  , but i am just being me today i have to jam the bus waits for no one it really dosent 


good night wonder wall


carrie

is it just me

is it just me , or dose every idiot that plays guitar hero think oh now i can play the guitar i can not stand those who think  just because you can play a video game dose not mean you have talent . talent is a gift of passion, if you do not have the passion forget about it , you have to have the drive , you see i would write even if not one person would read it , i have poems that i would not share with anyone except my brother , and maybe others that would understand my thoughts , in full someone that would not judge me . for my strange thoughts of reason. so my point is passion has to drive you , not oh i won guitar hero so i can play .

wonder

i wonder dose any magic exsist anymore or has the cynical world taken over , now do not get me wrong cynical can be good but it just seems everyone wants to kill whats magic is left , what i mean love can be magiacal , art in all its forms is a certain magic , the discovery of somrthing new , people are so oh you just found that out why ruin it let that person know thats cool enjoy but know we have to shit on people to feel better about our selfs its what we do , well i try to make a little magic everyday i know of a couple of people that do i know they do not belive its magic that they are creating but , it is .



see you later
hello wonderwall  keep the magic flowing -------------carrie

time after time

some days i want to know what is in his mind what is he thinking what does he want i want to say hey lets have a conversation thats all i want words that flow back and forth in an invisiable current of thought two people just talking the sad part is i can talk and talk and talk to everyone but with him its like i have to force my self to say hi { what i really am saying i am not aveage and you intrige me so lets talk i want to know so much more about you } but he throws me off , i get very shy with him now he may not see it as shyness but it is , and its not a side of me that is every shows up but with him its like i do not know what its like . a post tomorrow and thursday .


later carrie

blue diamond

hair black like the night never was ,shades rebel look
riding on the roads of the world that was,and never will be
born when the war was in its infancy,and then it took over like a plague
now his home in ruins, and the dead watch him drive by he can feel their stares
patrisimism is a lie; the flag adorns his car clinging like a whore
he catches his reflection in the mirror
chiese symbols adorn his face
piercing on his upper lip
he feels like a force to be wrecking with
this is his time, his now, his future
the hungrey people stand in line, being preached on except jesus into your heart, he rather go hungry , he rather drink from the devil fountain and get chased down with death
hospitals are full, the streets are empty, and marshal law is in place
everyone has a curfew the price of freedom
the cops stop him dressed in their black , walk like a gangster from a forgotten movie of old,backward acid trip
they look into into his car, fuzzy dice, suger, caffine, music of another time, all illegal contra bans
the look he gives is definite
he takes off his shades eyes brilliant blue
he gets off with a warring
he drives off , with a look in his eyes
his home an abandon circus, others like him stay here, a hotel with gapes and holes
the smell of popcorn and money still linger like a trip from the past
the midway full of old video games is where he lays his head
he knows other city lay in ruins, but this is his home
the city of sin
devastation was handed down like the wrath of god
he thinks to himself what a joke
when the sun rises the heat will go out like a murderer on a rampage, and it will feel like hell
he will sleep until night comes with her beautiful moon and ride until he finds his path


carrie ann kawa    3/2007

what is going on

my life is becoming so sureal i am not sure anymore where its going i have a crush on wonderwall and for some strange reason i cannot talk to him my words do not feel right and on the other side of the coin too many men keeo on hitting on me and i just do not care i am just going off on tangents , life is to mean with you find some one so interesting , so funny, so very cute ,and i caanot even talk to him all my life i never had a problem like this most of the time i can read a person and know what they are thinking him i do not know not even a little well i will post a poem on tuesday old , new , one that has not form yet in my grey matter it need to be cutivated out and formed with words and passion of thought a dream with in a dream ,because we all are dreamers at some point the sad part is when one gives up on that dream because of obseculs or they give up on there self sometimes our dreams may not work out but aleast you tried or they do not work out in the same way you thought they should but they are there balloons in the air floating up wards to find home


later------------------------------carrie

the wisper in the night

some forgotten traveler , jeans worn, tortured eyes
lost in my thoughts, silent and watchful
he dreams of me
its my face he sees when he closes his eyes
the pain we both feel
the lies we we both tell
he searches for me
i am gone  before he gets there
he is the love of my life
we created each other, spoke life into each other
i am consider sin to him
forbidden and obscured
tantalizing in my awareness
i have craved him for so long; he has tasted me on the wind
letting me touch all of him, not knowing what the night would bring
he is the face i see when i close my eyes
eyes tortured , some times confussed, not knowing if obsession and love are different or the same
we have crossed on so many levels, and yet we end up in the same place
 most start in heaven, but we both know the truth hell gave birth to the torture and the pain
we have lived there for too long fighting our way out losing footing, but getting there
he held out his hand for me, and i for him someday we will meet our story will merge and the words that will be written, " i have know your face a lifetime


carrie ann kawa 9/1998


well i am back this one is 11 years old  its not about anyone just the idea of some one again another dream my subconscience has its way with me

hey wonder wall hello -----------------------later carrie

Echos on the edge of the abyss

strange time , that we do not see with eyes , but feel
i wanted to fall , slowly into the abyss of dreams and a different sense of reality
hearing my mothers voice in the distant
i felt tangible , and yet not real for a moment everything went silent
voices coming at me from everywhere
stars were on the ground, and the moon above my head
for a brief moment i was apart of something, magnetic forces
i looked over to my twin and knew he was there in that moment
we did not speak because words between us are never needed
everyone else seemed faded except the nature itself
i wanted to gather this moment
i walked here before with parents who passed on, with people long gone , and yet there ghost stay in in the wind of past , future, and present
the wound of my sadness, bleed for a little bit , and my cynical side tried very hard to sew it back up ,but in truth , i will never know
why he was the way he was , and time left an ocean between us filled with both our stubbornness
he can only come to me in dreams of thought and give me the truth in illusions of a child memories
he knows why he needs to say what he needs to say , and yet again the abyss
the echos of the past were there and so was the future
strange colors played on the wall of the mountains
i was home in a different reality of such
then i realize i am always trying to find my place here
i have to understand my place is anywhere i place my feet




Carrie Ann kawa 10/01/2009